It's often hard to tell if a child is sick.
On the one hand, they mention throughout the week that their tummy hurts, vaguely rubbing the offending organ while they catch your eye. Then they run off to play with their dinosaurs and torment their sister.
On the other hand, an hour after bedtime you hear the child starting to cry and go in to investigate, only to find that said child threw up all over their bed and the floor, then they throw up again all over the bathroom. You spend a half hour implementing several creative ideas for cleaning those massive floor stains (because, of course, your steam cleaner is out on loan and you don't have any more bags for your shop vac). Then, while the bed linens are stirring in the washer, you rub down the bathroom (which you've had the foresight not to clean until now, thank the Lord) while your child moans in the shower.
But on the one hand, child is adamant not to miss Story Hour at the library (making butterflies out of Smarties candies and foam hearts!) and stopping in at the Post Office to snag a lollipop along with a book of stamps.
On the other hand, child shows no interest in actually consuming said treats and prefers to spend the rest of the morning laying on the couch, dozing under a blanket, hardly saying a word.
But on the one hand, child breaks down in tears when you call to excuse him from school that day and continues to pester you that all he wants is to 'go to school'.
On the other hand, child crawls into your lap (he's six years old and fifty pounds!) and falls asleep while you rock him in the rocking chair for an hour.
But on the one hand, he sprouts an amazingly spry attention to watching How to Train Your Dragon and will talk about it animatedly with his father when he comes home from work.
On the other hand, child refuses to get out of bed the next morning and doesn't bat an eye when told he will not get to go to school for the special "Hibernation Day", or to grandma's for the planned sleepover tonight if he's sick enough that he's asking to go to the doctor.
But half an hour later, said child is dressed and continues to engage in his usual behavioral habits for the foreseeable future.
Show me a mother who always knows if her child is ill and I'll show you . . . . um,. . . . well, you can't, so there.